Problem: You're stressed! Who the heck can enjoy the holidays when they entail so much work?
Solution: Whoa, Nellie -- relax! "Most women don't realize they can decide what they're not going to do," says Wallin. Participate only in holiday rituals you truly enjoy and dump or delegate the rest. Do you want your kids to remember you as a joyous mom who loved caroling or a stressed-out perfectionist resentfully churning out 25 fruitcakes? If the kids really do look forward to baking, compromise: Opt for slice-and-bake cookies or get them to help with cleanup.

Problem: You dread seeing your extended family.
Solution: Set a firm limit on the time you will spend with people who annoy or frustrate you. ("We can't stay the whole day, but we will be there for dinner.") Don't offer any explanation! Then, practice in advance what you will say to sidestep digs and intrusive queries. Compliments and expressions of gratitude ("Thanks so much for having us over!") are always good tension-breakers, notes Troiani. "If you think of your family as characters in a movie, it will help you detach emotionally from the conflict," adds psychologist Wallin, who is also the author of Taming Your Inner Brat: A Guide for Transforming Self-Defeating Behavior.

Once you commit to an occasion, make the merry best of it. View the time you spend with less-favorite relatives as a gift you're giving to your husband, mom or whomever you're going through the motions for, says Wallin. After all, 'tis the season to be… well, you know!