1. Play like a team.

Sure, you’re bound to have differences of opinion with your partner about raising kids. But too much “Mom said, Dad said” parenting can be hard on children, who won’t end up listening to anybody, explains Stella Reid, star of the Fox TV show Nanny 911 and co-author of Nanny 911: Expert Advice for All Your Parenting Emergencies. Her advice: Hash out your philosophies behind closed doors to come up with a basic blueprint.

2. Tune in to your child.

It can be tough to pay attention to your veggie-phobic child’s long list of reasons for not tasting even a few of her peas. But it’s your job to listen and tell her you understand, says Reid. What’s not your job? Giving in. “I see some people go way overboard in validating their children’s feelings and forgetting their own,” she says. “Their kids end up ruling the roost.”

3. Think before you speak.

Remember that “no television for a month” rule that fizzled after two days? Or that puppy you said “maybe” to in exchange for a clean bedroom? If you don’t mean what you say — and say what you mean — you’re setting the stage for trouble. “Put your brain in gear before you put your mouth in motion,” advises Reid. Empty threats and broken promises can chip away at a child’s trust. If he knows you don’t really mean you’ll ground him, say, he won’t see any reason to make curfew. The more realistic you are, the more faith your kids will have in you.

4. Stick to a routine.

“I believe kids need lots of love,” says Reid, “but going hand in hand with love is lots of structure.” Creating daily rituals for meals, bedtime, schoolwork and chores gives children a sense of security because they know what to expect.

5. Insist on consistency.

“Don’t move the goalposts,” recommends Reid. In other words, “no” means “no” and “yes” means “yes.” It’s a simple strategy with big payoffs: Consistency creates credibility with kids. They know they can trust you and that’s reassuring. If you’re occasionally swayed from a “No way!” — say, to a request for a later bedtime — to an “Oh, why not?” then you shouldn’t be too hard on yourself, says Reid. Just make sure your kids understand that it was a onetime thing and that you’re back in control.

6. Look on the bright side.

OK, so your son’s idea of tidying up his room is shoving everything in his closet. At least it’s clean! “It’s better to thank him for something done right than be negative about something done wrong,” says Reid. No need to throw a party over every little thing, though. A simple “good job” says it all.