Money talks, but talking about money can be uncomfortable. It’s one thing to discuss finances with your family or close pals, but quite another when a stranger loudly asks how much you paid for your home.

“If you feel that someone’s intention for asking the money question is not friendly or lighthearted, then you don’t want to give them any information,” says etiquette expert Lizzie Post of the Emily Post Institute. Here, the best responses for those occasions when you don’t want to answer any $64,000 questions.

How much money do you make?

The best way to deflect money questions is with humor, says Post, author of How Do You Work This Life Thing? So when someone asks how much you make, laugh and say, “Not enough to buy that mansion going up across town!” or “Not enough to buy the multiplex!” Looking for a more direct approach? Simply say, “Sorry, I only discuss money matters with my accountant.” Keep your tone light, but your expression serious, advises Post. “The look on your face should say, ‘This is not something I’m going to discuss further,’?” she says. “The other person will get the message.”

How much did you pay for that?

If you nab a great bargain, you may want to shout it from the rooftops. But when you don’t want to share what you paid for an item, try responding with a question of your own: “Why? Does it look expensive?” The key is in the delivery — keep it light. “The person is left not knowing if you paid a lot or if it was a bargain,” says Post. “And they don’t need to know.” What about the stickier question of how much you paid for your home? Smile and say, “You can check it out at the tax records downtown!”

How much are you giving?

You’re enjoying yourself at a wedding when a stranger leans in and asks the amount of your gift check. The perfect response? “We’re giving what we would have spent on a gift.” “That is the honest answer,” notes Post. “But it doesn’t tell the other person what you would have spent on a gift.”

How much do you have saved for retirement?

“The person is asking about money, but the other offense is that they’re asking about age, too,” says Post. Put the focus on the age issue by responding, “Why? Do I look like I’m going to need to retire soon?” Laugh it off and then quickly change the subject.

How much do you pay for your kid’s college tuition?

Parents of college-age children may find it helpful to discuss the ins and outs of affording tuition with others. But if you’d rather keep the particulars to yourself, just say, “I pay enough to keep him (or her) there!” And when all else fails, don’t forget the surefire response to any awkward question: “Excuse me, I have to use the ladies’ room.”