Patricia Platt once griped about everything, from the hot weather in her hometown of Gladstone, Mo., to her unmanageable hair. But about a year ago, the 48-year-old elementary school teacher was inspired to quit complaining when her pastor, Rev. Will Bowen of Christ Church Unity in Kansas City, Mo., challenged his congregation to go 21 days straight without grumbling. To help people realize how addicted they are to griping, he suggested that each time they succumb, they transfer a purple plastic bracelet from one wrist to the other. (The free bracelets are available at ccunitykc.org.)

“Since I stopped complaining, I have time for more useful things!” says Patricia. But surprisingly, whining can be very appealing to people. People complain to get attention, says Bowen, author of the new book A Complaint Free World. “We also use complaints as an excuse,” he adds. “If you’re supposed to work out, but you complain about your back, it’s a way of getting out of it.” Here, Bowen shares three steps for quitting:

1. Notice your habit

Complaining is a particularly hard habit to break because most of us gripe so often, we don’t even realize we’re doing it! “Very few people think of themselves as complainers,” says Bowen. “We all think we’re positive people.” The first step to stopping, then, is to notice when you’re whining. Bowen suggests doing something physical to remind yourself of your no-griping vow. Place a stone or a button in your pocket and switch it to the other pocket when you catch yourself grumbling. “In time,” Bowen says, “your body will retrain your mind.”

2. Avoid complaint-fests

So what to do when your favorite skirt suddenly doesn’t fit and you’re dying to… complain to someone? “Just take a deep breath, say nothing and let it pass,” says Bowen. In a group of whiny friends, though, you might need to change the topic, says Patricia. “If I was quiet, it seemed like encouragement for the other person to continue,” she says.

3. Keep trying

Psychologists say it takes about three weeks to break a habit. But going three straight weeks without kvetching isn’t easy, so it might be anywhere from four to seven months before you can break the grip of griping, says Bowen. But once you do, not complaining becomes second nature. Today, Bowen catches himself grumbling about once a month. “If you stop articulating your complaints, your brain stops producing them,” he says. “You become a happier person. The important thing is to stick with it!” And don’t complain about how hard it is!